Post by Benjamin Pierce on Jun 23, 2010 19:08:48 GMT -6
It's a very, very mad world mad world
.:Benjamin Dustin Pierce:.
.::I lock myself inside my room
I WANNA BE ALONE
With you around, you'll only add on
I WANNA BE ALONE
Its been disturbed by my thoughts::.[/center]
[/font][/i][/b][/size]Full Name: Benjamin Dustin Pierce
Nicknames: Ben
Gender: Male
Age: Sixteen
Sexuality: Asexual (Technically heterosexual, but not really into any sexual encounters)
Mental Disorder: Originally put in for Depression, but is suspected of having Schizoid Personality Disorder. He will stay under observation before any diagnosis is given.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces[/center]
Hair Type: Ben's hair is blond and considered slightly long, reaching down to about his shoulders. It's naturally straight and easily manageable, but it is rather unkempt in appearance anyway. This is because Ben has mild issues with going to barbershops, and he has never cared enough to take care of his hair on his own.
Eye Color: Benjamin has dark blue eyes with pupils so large that the eyes could be mistaken for a brown or another dark color from far off.
Height: 5 feet 9 inches
Weight: 150.5 pounds
Special Features: Ben has contacts, though he often forgets to use them.
General Desciption:
There's nothing especially interesting about Ben's frame. He's not thin like some other boys, but he's not overweight either. In fact, the average weight for a male of his height is 151 pounds. He's only .5 pounds off from being spot on the average. With this average build comes all the normal traits of a male body. Broad shoulders, longer waist, and large feet and hands. This being said, he's not some mega jock boy. Not in the least. He has a bit of healthy muscle that comes naturally from not stuffing his face with MickyDs, but he won't be parading a 6-pack any day soon. He probably won't parade anything.
While Ben's body is boyish, his facial features are more soft and feminine. He's not completely androgynous, but his pale and pinkish coloring makes it hard for people to take him as a real manly man. That's fine by Ben. He doesn't really care what people think about his appearance.
Due to his long hair and darker clothing choices some even attempt to push him toward the "emo" side in their frantic need to label his style. That's not necessarily an accurate description though. Ben doesn't have a particular style of clothing. He just throws on what he finds to fit the weather. His clothing remains mostly dark because dark colors absorb heat, and Ben has always had trouble staying warm regardless of the season. He simply found it logical to try to combat this without caring about what fashion statement people thought he was making.
And I find it kinda funny, I find
[/font][/i][/b][/size]it kinda sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had[/center]
Likes:
○ being alone
○ reading
○ art
○ music
○ electronics
○ math
○ water
○ animals
○ night time
○ his fantasy world
Dislikes:
○ being in pennbrooke
○ listening to most people
○ group therapy
○ haircuts
○ sex
○ showing his emotions... since he sucks at it
○ self-pity
○ feeling like a shell
○ social gatherings
○ people who can't take a hint
Fears:
○ getting too emotionally involved with others
○ losing his real personality
○ life not meaning anything
General Personality:
There is not many things that are definite about Benjamin's character. However, one thing that is for sure is that he is a damn good actor. Though he's not a people person, Ben can easily make himself look like one of the most outgoing guys there are. Smiling, laughing, and joking around, continuing the facade until he's out of people's sight and he can let the fake smile drop from his face. He doesn't do it to take advantage of people. Rather, Benjamin acts in such a way to save himself from the ridicule that he knows society holds for people who prefer living as a hermit to any social event at all. Because he both dislikes and is unable to express his true self emotionally for the majority of people, he uses this fake persona to look like he's involved while really, he'd much rather withdraw into his fantasy world.
Despite Ben's great feats in the world of tricking people, there are some things that he simply can not do. One of them is showing anger. While happiness is an easy emotion to fake, when he feels anger there is like an invisible wall blocking him from the outside world. When someone is annoying him, he can't just say "get the fuck away", he can only stare at them with a blank expression and wish they could see the annoyance within him. Half the times when he has to listen to the mindless noise that other people spew out, he starts saying positive things in a dead voice which seems to confuse or encourage others rather than send them away. To Ben, it's fairly obvious that when he says "sweet", he really means "get lost", so he grows even more frustrated (on the inside) when this doesn't happen.
Another thing he isn't good at is actually listening to people when they talk. He can be all smiles when faking interest, but it's as if his mind shuts down as soon as the other person starts blabbing. He just can't bring himself to care what they are saying, and to waste his time listening is actually very draining for him. Luckily, Ben has come up with ways to make himself appear like he cares. One of his strategies is to repeat what the person said last.
For example, Other person: "Did you hear about Bobby? Yea, he totally got arrested. Got caught drinking or something." Ben: "Drinking, really?" For some reason, this tends to make people think that he is truly listening to what they have to say. The other helpful route he took was to play up the fact that he had a bad memory. Since most of the time, he immediately forgets what conversations he had, he pretends he has bad memory whenever the same person brings a past conversation up and he has no clue what they are saying.
Ben's final weakness in acting is that he needs to know exactly how long he has to put his act on for it to work. While he can hold conversations, on the inside, he's screaming for it to be over so that he can go off on his own. If he has to stay longer at a social gathering than was expected, and he begins to break down into his true self. And obviously that's a disaster waiting to happen. The first rule still stands--- don't let anyone know how you really feel. This causes Ben to subtly change himself depending on who he is talking to. Since he finds people in general to be rather predictable, he is able to give them what he wants without overly straining himself. That's not to say that being a "secret schizoid" which is the term for what he is doing isn't draining, because it is. He grows exhausted whenever he needs to fake himself too much.
The real Ben is not at all like the pretense he puts out. The real Ben is like a cold and rational machine. He doesn't feel many emotions, and those that he does feel are flat compared to other humans. He doesn't like experiencing emotions whether from himself or others. This is why he quickly let go of his fake social interest when his father died. He was sick of people feeling bad for him, so he decided to show them his true self in an attempt to get them to leave him alone. Screw trying to fit into the world to get employed and go to college. It isn't worth it. Though others perceived this as depression because of his father's passing, he really didn't care that his Dad had died.
This brings in the fact that like said before, Ben does feel some emotions. Usually frustration and mild curiosity(mostly for himself). He sometimes vaguely wonders why he just doesn't care like other people do. These emotions are usually let out with outlets, the main one being painting. Because he is so rational, when talking to others using his real self (rare), he tends to be blunt, stilted, and cynical. The only times he can really stand talking to people through his real self is when the conversation stays strictly away from emotions and is highly intellectual.
Because it is Ben's first reaction to switch into "secret schizoid" mode whenever he is speaking to people for the most part, he has began to depersonalize himself from the outside world. He sometimes feels as if he is not living but is rather an observer of the world. In addition, he sometimes forgets who he really is since he is constantly changing to fit the expectations of the people he associates with. It has gotten so bad that Ben has forgotten why he really fakes in the first place, but does it anyway. He dislikes being with others, yet he cannot stop pretending to like them. Although, it should be said that he does not hate people. That would be too strong an emotion. He dislikes some, favors few, and is indifferent to many.
The thing is that Ben is slightly curious to have an emotional tie with someone. It's just that this person needs to be deemed worthy. The problem is that being worthy and being liked are two completely different things. The term "worthy" is used only so that Ben can easily pull himself out if he feels that he's becoming too close to someone. Even if they'd be great together, he hates feeling close so he pulls out figuring that they weren't "worthy" enough. Besides showing that Ben has a bit of a superiority complex, it also shows that a close relationship is not likely because of reservations he has toward them. It's not a fear really, but more of a dulled down anxiety.
Not everything is bad about Ben. He is able to keep his head in just about any situation. Since he doesn't feel emotions to the extremes of most people, he would be the one to mediate an argument logically without any emotions coming into play. Plus, he doesn't get scared or angered easily, allowing him to stay calm when others go nuts. Then again, he isn't really one to help others that much. He would need to save himself first.
Went to school and I was very
[/font][/i][/b][/size]nervous. No one knew me, no one knew me[/center]
Mother:
[Cynthia Leanowski, Biological Mother, 33, Unemployed, Resident of a different Mental Hospital due to Schizophrenia]
[Alexandria Pierce, Adoptive Mother, 49, State Government Secretary]
Father:
[Joseph Hart, Biological Father, 38,
Siblings: Siblings Name(s), Age(s), Occupation(s)
History: a brief history of the patient. at least two paragraphs.
I find it hard to tell you I find
[/font][/i][/b][/size]it hard to take, when people run in circles[/center]
Your Name/Alias: MEGHAN
Age: 15
Who is First? needlefark
Time Zone: Central
Anything Else? No roleplay sample? It's a miracle!
Hide my head I want to drown my
[/font][/i][/b][/size]sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow
Credit: Template to Alcie. Song "Mad World' by Gary Jules. Take this template and she'll sick one of her muses on you.[/center]
[/blockquote]
